A week ago one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes - even if everything is going good.
In fact it's not at all an easy question to reply to as it varies from person to person. There are actually thousands of books that have been written on that topic only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it again and again you might start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The correct approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.
Below are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially frightening. So when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a party, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of others.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my home. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. Whenever you feel awkward and fearful just try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your ultimate goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to connect with them very quickly.
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